randomosity: Okay, so...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Okay, so...

Alrighty then.

*woosah*

This post has been a long time coming so I just need to get it over with. Since this is a crafty type blog, I've tried to avoid speaking about my opinions/views/etc as much as possible... HOWEVER... something needs to be said.

For those that didn't check out my "About Me" page, or for those who didn't see my first year of posts when I blogged about my family, I am a lesbian. I have a partner and her name is Rachel, and we have three little girls. I need to get this off my chest because of two reasons - one being if I'm going to have a personal blog I need to make sure my readers understand me personally. Two being, I've been denied guest posts on blogs twice now because of my sexual orientation.

I just received an email back from someone that owns a fairly popular blog. Her blog is mostly crafts, recipes, etc. She has paid sponsor spots, and I purchased one. She sent me interview questions, and since I was kind of clueless on what to put, I just sort of copied off past interviews she had. Almost all of the past guests mentioned their husbands and kids, so I did the same (though I replaced husband with partner).

This is an email (in part) that I got back.

I'm going to be very honest with you, I don't think I feel comfortable sharing your relationship status on my blog. Personally, it's your life and I'm not one to have an opinion about it, however because this is a cooking and crafting blog, a very, very large number of my subscribers are very religious stay-at-home-moms. I've made a specific point of not sharing any of my own beliefs or views on my blog because I don't want to alienate anyone, and I think that by sharing your relationship status, I might be doing just that.

That said, I will give you two options. 1) We can come up with a way to avoid direct mention of your partner and still run the blog post, or 2) You can choose to not be a sponsor and I will fully refund your money, and will leave up the button on the sidebar for the remainder of the month.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. It's upsetting to me. Hell, this post might be sabotaging my blog dreams, but I can't just keep NOT talking about it.

Now please let me be clear on one thing (oh no I sound like Obama..). The owner of the blog I quoted above is NOT the problem here. Not at all. She is not the reason for this post. I am NOT upset with her. She handled it in a decent way and actually I could tell she felt really bad because she wrote back again apologizing profusely. She also said she will have readers leave out the "husband" part in the future.. they will just be putting "wife" instead of specifying that they are heterosexual. I don't think it could've been handled any better. So please if you discover who this is about, do NOT think I'm upset with her. I'm not.

I don't expect my readers to all to be holding rainbow signs and showing up at Pride Fest, but I do expect them to love me for who I am! Not be ashamed of me because of who I love. Don't NOT have me guest post because of my orientation (such an odd word).

I have no clue if any of this is making sense, I'm just kind of upset right now and I know it's not like me to share personal feelings on my blog... plus I just applied for BlogHer so this probably screwed it up... but whatever.

I'm not going to hide in an online closet because it makes some people uncomfortable. I am gay. Get over it. Take it, or leave it. It is what it is.

I appreciate each and every one of my readers - so thank you if you made it this far. :)

38 Comments:

At May 10, 2011 at 11:52 AM , S.T said...: I am having a problem with people not allowing you to be on their blog because you are a lesbian. The email you posted makes me feel like this person wants you to hide part of who you are. It's like you cant brag or join in on family sharing because...shhh-you could offend people! *gasp* why should anyone be offended by who you choose to be with? i hope one day this world can move past be close minded about things that dont even concern them. personlly, i wouldnt want to read a blog that had that kind of attitude. JMO
At May 10, 2011 at 11:53 AM , Tiffany said...: I love you for you. You are an amazing person Sadie and your sexual orientation should not be an issue in anything that you do.
At May 10, 2011 at 11:53 AM , Sabrina said...: I dont see what the big deal is. Honestly people just need to get over it!! Who cares who you love or have kids with, heck I dont even care who you have dinner with. It shouldnt matter, WHO you are as a person, how AMAZING you are should matter not someone's self righteous, overly religious or personally views. I <3 ya Sadie and I <3 ya for who you are!!
At May 10, 2011 at 11:56 AM , KekiRee said...: Well, they will be missing out on an AMAZING woman! Their loss! Sorry for this...personally, I think it's lame, but what can you do?
You just keep on being YOU and know that people thing you are an extraordinary woman no matter what!!
At May 10, 2011 at 12:12 PM , Hiswifey05 said...: Sadie just because people are turning you away doesn't mean you should hide. Like I said before be proud and stay strong. Zplus I am not sure what I would do if I didn't "know" you and Rachel. Y'all make my day LOL
At May 10, 2011 at 12:13 PM , joyce ballentine said...: I love you sadie and im sorry people are uptight!
At May 10, 2011 at 12:29 PM , Angela Wetz said...: Okay so I read the post and In all honesty I love you exactly the way you are I wouldn't want you to be any different or feel like you need to hide cause you don't your an amazing woman and mother to your children you have a partner that treats you good your happy and that's all that matters.
At May 10, 2011 at 12:41 PM , Tree Huggin Momma said...: I love your blog! I know you are not upset with the Blog owner who won't publish your whole interview even though she has for others in the past and believe she has done right by you in giving you the two options, what upsets me is her assumption that her reader base is Religious Stay at Home Moms and that Religious Staty at Home Moms have a problem with Gays. I am not currently a SAHM, but when I was I wasn't checking blogs for things to do with my kids. I know am a working mom and I love reading crafting and cooking blogs. See I leave the religious part out because well I am not religious in a traditional sense (or in a traditional sense if you consider my ancestry).
She may not have offended you, but she offended me and not because she wouldn't publish your lesbian status, but because she judged me wrongly and without knowing me...
At May 10, 2011 at 12:48 PM , Anonymous said...: You are a awesome loving caring person, a wonderful Mama and commited in your relationship As a Christian Stay at home Mom & now Grandma I don't think you should have to hide who you are. Relationships are a big part of our lives and who we are. And people don't have to agree I guess but if they are Christians they are called not to judge. I am sorry you are dealing with this I think you are a wonderful person and honestly enjoy reading your blogs and stuff on FB and I am blessed to have you as a friend. Kay
At May 10, 2011 at 12:50 PM , Megan said...: It's very frustrating to me with "as far as we've come" that there are still so many people who are so narrow-minded and unacceptant of others.

be you!! You have nothing to hide, and shame on anyone who thinks they should judge!
At May 10, 2011 at 1:06 PM , Jingle said...: I would be upset, too! It's funny, I haven't had it directly happen like this, but I've watched as I've obviously been passed over for things simply because I don't have children despite the purpose having NOTHING to do with kids. It's odd how people will choose ways to leave people out because it is somehow 'different' from the norm. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, but, know that you are who you are and those of us who like you like who you are! Does that make sense? I hope so! LOL! I'm very glad this hasn't caused you to want to hide! You have no reason to do so!
At May 10, 2011 at 1:25 PM , Echo said...: Love sees no color, no age, no boundaries! Love doesn't recognize differences in man and woman. The heart wants what the heart wants. Do you know how many people out there envy what you have? With all the millions of people on this Earth, how lucky are you to have found your soul mate? You are blessed with 3 beautiful little girls and amazing talents!
At May 10, 2011 at 1:27 PM , Echo said...: Sorry! It cut off my comment! Don't let anyone bring you down or make you feel like you aren't good enough! What a boring world this would be if everyone was made with the same cookie cutter!
At May 10, 2011 at 2:21 PM , MariaS said...: Well...first of all: I do have a problem with a blog that will not let you reveal your sexual orientation for fear of losing followers. I would not want to follow or advertise in a blog that has these rules. Who you are and what you have to say has nothing to do with the fact that you are a lesbian. So this blogger that is not allowing you to tell her readers that you are a lesbian is definitely part of the problem. Get out of there as fast as you can and ask her to remove your button from her blog. Shame on her!
I don't care if you are gay or straight or bisexual. I just want to read what you have to say, I want to read what you share. I like your blog and I will continue reading it every day and being a public follower.
Go hug your partner and your beautiful children from me!
And, BTW, this from a "straight" woman married to a man.
So there.
XOXOXOXOXO
At May 10, 2011 at 3:30 PM , Sadie said...: Thank you ladies for the support. I appreciate it. I was just so frustrated, for so many reasons. I typed this out just to vent, I wasn't *actually* going to post it... but something said "JUST DO IT". I shouldn't have to hide my sexuality. I wasn't shoving it in anyone's face, I was simply saying I have a partner - just as someone says they have a husband. The fact that she thinks religious SAHMs will stop reading because a paid sponsor of hers is gay... well that speaks volumes about her readers and its scary quite frankly.

@Jingle, I'm sorry that you've had those experiences. It doesn't seem fair... women are so catty.

@Tree Huggin, I <3 you. :) You're one of my most favorite readers and you've been here since the beginning. I appreciate your input, and you made me look at this in a different way.

@MariaS, I didn't think it mattered what my sexuality was and it's odd to me that it was even an issue. I do like that she said she will stop including "husband" in the future. I think it was a great compromise. Like I said, I think she handled it professionally but it seemed like she spoke for her readers based on assumptions. So I'm kind of wondering what kind of readers she has. Now I wanna go search through her list lol.

@Everyone else, thank you for the support. I appreciate all comments and opinions, even if they don't always agree with mine. But I don't want to be pushed into the "closet" online... that happens enough offline. I can't go around telling everyone I'm the "gay Mary Kay lady", but online I should be able to be myself. No?
At May 10, 2011 at 3:49 PM , Nickhole said...: I love you for you. Honestly, people are offended by anything and everything now a days, it's crazy. Did you read any of the news posts saying they wouldn't be calling easter eggs, easter eggs anymore? They are supposedly going to call them spring spheres??!!!???? Whatever, Austin's school still calls them Easter Eggs, I know this because I never brought them up and he calls them that.
My personal opinion on this, even if you don't want it, lol, is that people who don't want you (either reading your blog, or having you guest blog) because of your orientation, then they aren't worth your time.
At May 10, 2011 at 4:02 PM , Traci said...: I did not know, until this post, that you have chosen to spend your life with another woman. Now that I know, it has no effect in any way on how I feel about you or your blog. It does make me think about all of the unnecessary drama that you have to deal with.

As for the issue you're dealing with now. I feel like the blog owner handled the issue well. However, it kinda makes me mad that it was an issue at all. Who you are with does not define who you are.
At May 10, 2011 at 4:14 PM , Veronica said...: Hm.. I am a Christian. I am a stay at home mom. I am also pretty conservative. And you know what? I couldn't careless who you choose to make a life with. I think it is wrong to assume that others who are Christian, stay at home moms, would have an issue as well.

Something about my bible tells me to be loving and nonjudgemental.
At May 10, 2011 at 5:14 PM , Sadie said...: Veronica and Tracy, thanks for sharing your comments. I appreciate it. It really makes me sad that it is still an issue - and yes I agree, the blog owner handled it well (she apologized a few times and I could tell she really did feel awkward about it all).

I just don't understand why it matters who I made a family with. If you're here to read my blog it's probably because you like crafts and recipes... not because you're worried about my husband/wife/etc. Right?
At May 10, 2011 at 5:29 PM , Evonne said...: I don't understand why there are so many issues and negativity over who someone decides to spend their life with.

I blog for me. If someone doesn't like a post, my blog in general, or me, than they can choose to leave. I don't totally agree with the response you got, but I'm glad she tried to make things better.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You could guest at my blog any time.
At May 10, 2011 at 5:44 PM , Pams Party said...: I am also a Christian stay at home mom, and until just now I had no idea either. Now that I know, it doesn't make a difference. I am not going to "unfollow" because your family is different than mine. I agree with Veronica that there are probably many of us that would not judge you for who you feel in love with. I liked your blog before I knew, and I still like it now.. =)
At May 10, 2011 at 6:35 PM , SB~the origianl bunny said...: God damnit! I just wrote a long ass response and it disappeared!
Here it is again:
I don't believe that lady's excuse one bit! It's a middle management maneuver used to "CYOA"(For those that don't know it means,"Cover Your Own Ass")
Sadie,You are stronger than this! Don't let this stupid bitch get to you! And I'm sure your partner(Not saying her name until you tell me it's ok) is telling you the same thing(Along with her own colorful vocabulary!lol).
Would you want one of your girls to put their head in the sand like a chicken chit? NO, You would want them to be strong like YOU!
YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL PERSON!!!!!! You don't need to hide in the digital closet woman!
Hey people, She's here, she's queer, get used to it!!!!
As for the closed minded bible thumpers:You know, the bible also teaches us to love one another and that he who is without sin cast the first stone! Also, f*ck them for being so closed minded!
I have soooooooooo much more I could say(You know me and my big phat mouth!)But I will leave it at this.
Start your own whatever the heck it is that girl does. Did you forget about your supporters new years eve? You know you would so blow her away(No pun intended!!).
Stay Strong and beautiful hun!!!
Love you!!!
Bunny~<3
At May 10, 2011 at 7:43 PM , Maria said...: I guess I can sorta kinda (like barely) understand where she's coming from. I avoid all controversial subjects on my blog (circ/no circ, bf/ff etc.) Even so, I would have no problem mentioning my guest blogger's partner. If my readers would leave my blog because of it, they can take a hike.
At May 10, 2011 at 8:07 PM , Sadie said...: Patti, you're crazy! LOL Thank you for the support!
At May 10, 2011 at 8:08 PM , Sadie said...: Maria,

I really tried to understand where she was coming from, but to be honest.. I just.. don't. I could understand not covering a controversial subject. But to exclude "partner" because it might make some of her "uber religious SAHMs upset".. eh, IDK. Just not buying it I guess. It seemed like a chicken move, and honestly that's totally up to her - it's HER blog. I'm not faulting her for doing it (and she handled it well), it was just upsetting. Ya know?
At May 10, 2011 at 8:09 PM , SB~the origianl bunny said...: ;-) np chica! You don't have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps! lol
At May 10, 2011 at 11:15 PM , Elizabeth Davis-Le said...: It doesn't matter that you are with a woman. I fully believe that two consenting adults should be able to love and marry one another and raise families. A lot of "straight" people are shit parents and have messed up relationships. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. However, and I am not defending said blogger...but I can see her point. I don't think she is saying to be ashamed of who you are. I think she is saying that this world as a whole is uptight and people are very sensitive to stuff. She doesn't want to lose her fanbase because of a small decision. Not that it makes it right. But I'm sure you know as well as others that blogging is hard when it comes to building a fanbase and you never know how those people are going to react. For some people blogging gives them a sense of accomplishment and if they think for a split second that they may make some enemies they try to protect that, that they've worked so long to build. I know you said that you weren't upset with her Sadie, that was more for some of those who commented. Once again I'm not defending her response just empathizing with the decision she felt she had to make. Me personally I am blessed to even know you.
At May 11, 2011 at 9:51 AM , Unknown said...: You fell in love with a wonderful person and are trying to raise three other great people. How about everyone focusses on that?
At May 11, 2011 at 9:52 AM , Unknown said...: PS I'm not a stay-at-home mom but I would consider myself a religious mom.
At May 11, 2011 at 11:04 AM , Angela O. said...: Hey Sadie,
I "know" you from cafemom and I have always thought you were a good person. It doesn't matter whom you love it matters who you are as a person and a blogger. For anyone to judge you is wrong but unfortunately society feels they have the right to deny you certain things.
I do hope people knowing you are in a same-sex relationship will not negatively affect you. You and your partner are doing a great job raising your girls in a loving home.
Take care!
At May 11, 2011 at 1:33 PM , Joy Page Manuel said...: I admire your diplomacy and sense of propriety in handling this. Really I do. I know you said your 'issue' is not with the blog owner but PERSONALLY, I think she is accountable. It's her blog and she sets the tone. So what if we alienate some people sometimes? We can't please everyone all the time can we? The most impt thing to me is staying true to one's beliefs and convictions. Maybe she should just have been honest enough to admit that even to herself, instead of giving her readers as her excuse. Again this is just me.

Found you through the Welcome Wed. Blog hop and happy to be here. Looking forward to reading more from you!
At May 26, 2011 at 1:17 PM , Unknown said...: I'm so sorry you have to deal with things like this. It shouldn't be that way but I know that it is. Thanks for sharing this post so that we can see another side, a human side, to the issue.
At July 13, 2011 at 10:54 AM , Doxilover said...: WOW...is all I can come up with. Shouldn't we love people for who they are not for what we want them to be??? So you're a Lesbian, GOOD FOR YOU...happy too see you're open about it and loving your partner. And ontop of it all you two raise 3 beautiful and funny girls...sounds like a loving,happy family to me regardless of sexual orientation. Some people just make me scratch my head lol....
At July 18, 2011 at 5:17 PM , Unknown said...: You are welcome to come post on my blog anytime you want. Shoot you can even gush about Rachel and your kids! :)
At July 19, 2011 at 2:13 PM , Anonymous said...: I realize that not everyone agrees with the blogger and it doesn't seem fair. I also realize tht people will not agree with what I have to post either. I don't know who the blogger is that is being mentioned but I do know that having a rather successful blog is a LOT of work. This blogger has obviously put in a LOT of time and effort to get her blog to be as popular as it is. She obviously tries not to step on anyone's toes and it has gotten her thus far. So if its her blog (ie her blood, sweat, & tears that were poured into it) and if she doesn't feel comfortable with the ad, its her choice. While she may not agree with your personal choices and doesn't judge you, she may not choose to condone it either. By accepting the ad, many people will take that as her agreeing to your personal choices. Silly perhaps, but true. Its a free country - we are free to choose our orientation and we are also free to be picky about who is on our blog. For every one rejection, there will always be one to accept you.
At July 19, 2011 at 4:19 PM , Sadie said...: Anonymous, it was not an ad. She asked me to guest post on her blog. ALL other guest posters mentioned their husbands (or lack thereof), families, etc. I was the only one she did not let mention my partner because she was afraid it would offend. That was really the only problem I had - it was a double standard. I was one of her very loyal readers and it offended me - but she obviously didn't care.
At July 20, 2011 at 11:25 AM , Anonymous said...: Sorry my mistake. When I read,
"She has paid sponsor spots, and I purchased one." I took that as you paid for an opportunity to do an interview, and in doing so, as an opportunity to advertise for your blog. I didn't think people would PAY to do an interview unless it was meant to draw more readers to their own blog. If you are earning money (or trying to) from your blog, it is definitely a business. I saw it purely as a business transaction and nothing more. Having been in the corporate business world until just recently, I've learned not to take everything so personally. Like they say, it's not you, its just business...just looking at the bottom line. However if no money exchanged hands and she liked your blog and just wanted you to guest post, then renigged later that's completely another matter. Don't let it get the best of you. If you dwell on it, bitterness seeps in and you'll only be hurting yourself. From what I can tell you are be able to draw readers purely from your personality & writing ability.
At July 20, 2011 at 3:44 PM , Sadie said...: Sorry for the confusion, anonymous. :) She had offered me a guest post and I was also purchasing a paid spot. My mistake for the wording. I got over it fairly quickly, I just made this post so I could just get it all out in the open, ya know? So there is no confusion whatsoever.

Thanks for stopping by my blog, I appreciate it.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Okay, so...

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